I may just have to come out of retirement. Cougar retirement, that is. And hey, I am by no means a cougar professional- I can only recall about 4 (okay, maybe 5 or 6) cougar experiences to date. I am thankful that I had never even heard that term when I was involved in my first cougar experience. I am not entirely clear on what the cougar age difference is supposed to be, but my estimate is that it's about (at least) ten years. My first little cougar relationship (why am I calling it little?) was when I was 30 something- and he was 20 something. I was 11 years older than him. (And BTW, that age difference was sooooo evident- so evident). Video games? Uttering the word “dude”??? Um, no. Not gonna work. Except for perhaps in one or two ways. Well, maybe I made the mistake of actually being in a relationship with him, though. Note to self: you are never ever ever gonna win over the mother of the guy that you are dating that is 11 years younger than you. (Some) younger guys are fucking great in bed (no pun intended), fabulous to look at, and to my surprise educated and have great senses of humor. That works...
Okay, but let's get some shit straight. I am not the cougar that “stalks their prey.” But, I am not opposed to entertaining the possibility of pouncing on their fine ass, if the opportunity presents itself. Is that bad? I don't think so. I have already analyzed this shit to death, and I have decided that no, it is not. Come to think of it most “cougars” that I know have never stalked their prey. I'm tellin' ya, we don't stalk it- it just appears. And some times it is sooo so worth it. So worth it. Oops, where was I???
So, to illustrate this scenario I will tell you about a true life event. A few weeks ago, I was on a plane- leaving the “Polar Vortex”... do you remember that shit? Hopefully you didn't physically experience it like I did. After having several flights canceled, being rerouted way out of my way to get home... I showed up at the airport in ten layers of clothing, and here is who I sat next to on the plane:
Now that's what I'm talkin' about... Not just cute, but super funny, successful, and all that shit. Don't believe me? Then perhaps you forgot that I research the hell out of anyone I meet. No one gets a pass. But after doing extensive research, XXXX XXXX gets a pass. Hell yeah, let's go, XXXX, like right now. *Sigh....
Xoxo,
Chicken
Sorry chicken, I think he's taken... and very much in love with himself.
ReplyDeleteHey! Don't fuck up my fantasy! We parted ways in Dallas where we were both forced to land and change planes.... the rest lives on in my head. ;)
DeleteDid you at least join the mile high club?
DeleteI like his dawg tag.
Do people really have sex in those teeny tiny bathrooms with blue water in the toilet?
DeleteYes, you're supposed to hook up with the person sitting next to you. Don't you know the special signal? And you're obligated to do it no matter who it is.
DeleteNo way man!
Delete...or the Wikipedia on it. Skip down to “Zipless Fuck”.
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zipless_fuck#Zipless_fuck
A "zipless fuck" is defined as a sexual encounter for its own sake, without emotional involvement or commitment or any ulterior motive, between two previously unacquainted persons.
Jong explained that it is "zipless" because "when you came together, zippers fell away like rose petals, underwear blew off in one breath like dandelion fluff. For the true ultimate zipless A-1 fuck, it was necessary that you never got to know the man very well.
Jong said she never had one. Obviously she thought about it a lot.
Oh, I'm all for not getting to know the man very well... but I think I have issues with rose petals and dandelion fluff. Zippers make total sense though- haha. Thanks for the book suggestion- I had no idea. It looks fascinating. Especially for having been written in 1973.
DeleteLooks like a fag
ReplyDeleteActually I think he looks like a potshoter, chicken. What the fuck gives? There's a good chance he's been arrested for indecent exposure before judging from those pics.
DeleteNaw- he's never been arrested in PDX, or anywhere else as far as I can tell. Never said he wasn't a little lacking in the clothing department though. Holy fuck, I had to edit the first pic because it went so low- so low.
Delete"He's never been arrested in PDX, or anywhere else as far as I can tell." I wouldn't have considered you the pedophile stalker type but now that I think about it, I can see it. Gross! Just gross. It's time you retired that shriveled up old clam you call your vagina and spare any other young boys the task of having to chew back their puke while you shamelessly flirt with them.
DeleteFeel better now?? Good, glad I could help.
DeleteAll you mail chauvinists need to stfu! Why can't a woman show her sexual liberation in the early 21st century? Fuck all you to hell
DeleteActually, my psychic powers tell me that it was a female that made that comment... but either way, fuck that shit!! ;)
DeleteKid you sat next to on a plane sent you a picture of his dick...did you send him a picture too?
ReplyDeleteNo, he never did that.
Delete