No, running away doesn't solve anything.... but

I want to run away... so bad.... so bad.... so bad...  Why is that even when I'm the sole  decision maker.... in fucking everything, really.... that I almost focus more on what other people want.... what they might think of my decision??!!!  Stupid- they probably don't think about it much anyway.  Ugh- so I just need to make a fuckin' decision already, and move the fuck on.... even if it means running... temporarily.  Fuck, I hate agonizing over some decision sometimes.  You know, the ones that "don't make sense" financially, that "don't make sense "to further your career", and that "don't make sense" to retain your friendships, and the ones that don't make sense to "take care of yourself."  Basically the ones that are supposed to be super important I guess.   But I am stuck.  Stuck.  Stuck.  Stuck.  Did I mention I was stuck?  And it has seemed like (for way too fucking long) that there is aboslitely nothing I can tell myself or anyone else can tell me, can break me out of this rut.  Seriously, it's killing me.  Apparently I am not ready (for whatever dumb ass lame of an excuse reason) to go forwards, or backwards.  So I should do something right?  I need a different perspective, or something.  I guess that's really what part of the problem is.  Not only is it difficult to make a decision about (temporarily) running away and how other people will react to it.... but it's because I am finally physically uncomfortable enough that I realize that I have to make some sort of a move.  Even if it doesn't make complete sense.  Basically I have to do something, because this current state of being is unbearable.  It's that chest feeling again.  Can't breathe. 

(Yup- this is the process of how I talk myself into making decisions that others will likely be even more irritated with me by, but are perhaps necessary to snap me back into some sort of reality- or something- at least some other state of mind.  Because this current one, is not good).

Oh, and FUCK THIS WEATHER!  It's either time to move, or I really need to spend each and every DECENT day in the PDX area trying to appreciate it.  Yeah fucking right.... knowing me, it's just time to move.