You Can't Make A Hoe A House Wife

According to Google, I have not written anything in a mother fucking year. Wow. Slaaacker, yes I am a slacker. How are you? (Assuming anyone even reads this shit any more). But seriously, how are you?

Fuck. That's all I got. No, I have not talked to Trey Starrs is 400,000 years. So if that's the information that you were looking for- sorry to disappoint you. You can't make a hoe a housewife.

Marijuana is legal now. I don't know about you, but that makes my life far less complicated.
Uber and Lyft are magic- if you haven't tried them yet, you should- and be happy I'm not you driver.
Sir Mix A Lot was here two weeks ago- so if you missed out on that... fuck your life- you're not living. You may, however be able to redeem yourself because Too Short will be here soon.

Love,
Chicken

Sup??

What's up, bitches?? Sorry I've been MIA for so long. No, I wasn't in jail, but thank you for your concern.

Please leave me a comment and tell me what's been up with you! Xoxo

Love,

Chicken

Take Me To Church

I go to church two times a year. Christmas Eve, and Easter. Why do I do this? To appease my mother. Do I like it? Not particularly. Can I space out for an hour and endure it? Yeah, pretty much so. Why don't I like it or go on my own? Ummm- #1) It's too early. I am a lazy ass mother fucker that can't seem to get anything done before noon. Catch me after midnight though, and I can make some shit happen. #2) I'm not religious. (Sorry Jesus- no offense). I don't really label myself as an atheist- but that's probably the label that I identify with most. How does my mother feel about this? Let's just not talk about that. I do miss the easter egg hunts, though. WTF happened to the easter egg hunts? When did I become too old for the easter egg hunts? I don't wanna eat the crazy colored rotten eggs or the smushed milk chocolate bunnies... it's not that. I just love to compete for getting them all. And it shaves a little time off the church experience... maybe??

I am simply not the child/ adult my mother wanted me to be. But a more important and pressing situation I have going on is: WTF am I going to wear to church on Sunday?? And how many alarms do I need to set to be sure I get there on time?? Ugh. Says a little bit about my current life though... Perhaps hoodies and sweats do not need to be worn on a 24/7 basis- and perhaps I should learn how to curtail my vampire up all night ways.

GTFOH....

In relation to the power outages in the Greater Portland area this evening, I happened to have a conversation with someone about the following... My apologies for not explaining it, but rather just copying and pasting this link. I am simply so dumbfounded I don't have the energy to write about it. But seriously???!!! GTFOH... I honestly thought they were kidding at first. Nope! Totally serious...

http://www.wcpo.com/money/consumer/dont-waste-your-money/can-you-get-reimbursed-for-power-outage

What's A Deal-Breaker For You??

What's a relationship deal-breaker for you?

Saaaay Something!

I'll start.... Damn my fingernails look cute after my manicure! (Shallow enough for ya? I don't care- makes me happy).

P.S. I have 13,321 page views- so don't try to tell me you have nothing to say... bitches. Now get busy talking.

Cougar Shit

I just can't seem to stop...........................

La

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Last night I somehow managed to draft the above blog entry, title and all, with my phone in my purse or pocket.  I discovered it this morning.  Hahahaha. 

What's With The "Bam Bam Bam" Thing??!!!!

For someone that went months and months without having sex I sure have been awfully promiscuous lately.  And I don't really feel that bad about it- mentally that is.  My body on the otherhand?  Fuuuuck (no pun intended).  Between wrestling, falling off the bed, and the "bam bam bam" treatment I feel like I need to go to physical therapy AND abstain from sex until I heal.  Okay, it's not thaaat bad- but seriously??  What's with guys and the jack rabbit sex?  Do men think that women enjoy that?  Is that the only way some guys can cum?  Do men have any idea that shit might be painful and will actually lessen their chances of having sex in the future (or at least the near future)?  Am I really having to explain this shit to men?  Am I really writing about this?  WTF??!!!  I'll take responsibility for partaking in the wrestling and falling off the bed thing.... but that bam bam bam shit has got to go. 

What Would You Do??

So- imagine you felt as if you needed some perspective.... or some crap like that. And being entirely convinced that a change of scenery would magically give you the perspective and the ability to deal with whatever it is in your life that you wanted to get some mother fucking perspective on in the first place.....

Would you:

A) Leave the city and go somewhere else within Oregon?
B) Get the fuck out of Oregon and go to another state?
C) Leave the mother fucking country? (FYI Passports are only good for ten years)
D) Sit your punk ass down and not go anywhere?

So- tell me what you would do, please.

Love,

Chicken