Please Stop...

Please oh please oh please stop saying the following:

1.  Epic
2.  Dude
3.  The turn up- or anything related to that
4.  I'll pray for you
5.  Hater
6.  Prime-time chick, Prime-time dime
7.  Bitch (if you're male)
8.  Ridic (short for ridiculous)
9.  Dude

Ummmm- I'm blanking out.  Please feel free to add to the list!!

Tell me something good.....

Quite frankly, I'm tired of asking you to do this, so just do it, please??  :) 

Top Three

What are your top three pet peeves in this world?  I definitely have my  three- or ten- or twenty, that I could blurt out in response to anyone, if they ever asked me... therefore I expect the same from you.  Haha. 

Ready?  Go! 

Cry For Help

I just burnt my chest with grease from a quessedilla I was trying to eat in bed.  If that isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is. 

Damn It....

So- the fuck buddy totally fucked up. He probably doesn't even know he fucked up- but I don't fucking care- because he fucked up. My birthday is that one day out of the year that I do expect you to treat me like a fucking princess. If not a princess, then you at least need to acknowledge it- like several times- or at least one heart felt time. Fuck buddy failed this test. And yes, let's face it- there are tests. That is one test- no matter how ridiculous it might seem, I am never giving up. Because if people don't remember (or at the very least acknowledge) your birthday- then that means they don't care. And there is absolutely noooooo reason that he should have forgotten- there are 500,000 other people that wished me happy birthday (love them). So apparently he's that self centered/ idiotic/ stupid as fuck/ can't be bothered/ stubborn as hell/ blah blah blah- I don't fucking know- there is not excuse...... I'm done.

I do realize that I am getting a little bent out of shape about a fuck buddy...... but fuck that. I have high standards for even fuck buddies these days. But yes, I am obviously upset about it. Damn it. Fucker.

Trey Trey Trey Trey........................................................

???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uh oh...

I think I might be developing a slight (I said SLIGHT) crush on my fuck buddy. This could be bad. There's some kind of rule against this, isn't there? Last night I ran into him at an undisclosed location (oooh, so mysterious- haha). I was sitting on a couch and someone sat down next me- I looked over to see it was him- hehehe. And I was thrilled- okay maybe not quite thrilled.... um, pleasantly surprised? No, that doesn't sound right either.... Happy? Not sure what the word is I'm looking for. Anyhow- we danced, drank, laughed... we actually really get along. But maybe that's just because we're fuck buddies- but I guess we're friends too. We went back to his house, laughed, danced, and drank more. It was fuuuun. He baked chicken and cookies at 3:30 in the morning- I found that quite amusing. Only complaint I currently have is that I have not figured out how to work his TV/ computer/ Netflix downloads to watch Breaking Bad all night. Ha!

Okay- not good. No crush on the fuck buddy. No crush on the fuck buddy. No crush on the fuck buddy. There! I'm over it! Hopefully...

How To Seal The Deal On Never Hearing From Me Again...

The following are real text messages exchanged between myself and a guy that I went on TWO dates with. He is funny, he is smart, he is successful, he is not horrible to look at, blah blah blah- but here ya go:

Him: So Wednesday Eve?

Me: Sure, that'll work.

Him: What sounds good?

Me: Big fat hamburgers and really good beer.

Him: Gotcha- I know exactly the place- see you Wednesday then. I will text you the address.

Me: Okie Dokie.

Him: Don't give up on me *******. Let's be straight, I have been straight with you since day one. I
think you have an issue with being close to me. I have been honest. I am a great adventure.
I've burnt through a ton of women. I'm ready to settle down, are you? I want a complete team.
You'd have fun.

Me: (Not a god damn thing!!!!!!!!!! Do you really think I'd respond to that???!!!)

But seriously??!!! What the fuuuuuck???!!! Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. And no, I don't want to fuck him (obviously)- that's what I have a fuck buddy for. Ugh. So irritated.

Single Girl Issues on Valentines Day....

I wonder if my neighbors just heard me??

Do you think I can sew this pillow back together? 

Where the FUCK are the rest of my batteries??!!!

Why can't they make another silver bullet like the last one I loved so much that died?? 

The fuck if I'm going to Fantasy Adult Video on Valentines Day!!! 

*Sigh

Fuck!

I need to fire my one and only fuck buddy/ booty call.  This fucking sucks.  Great.  Now I will be having sex with no one (except myself), ever, until the end of time.